Jibberish

I finally got double piercings the other day!! My naughty sister in law mad me since she was getting hers too... lol It took me a long time to actually say yes. OMG it hurted so bad.. But i can't wait until it heals, so that I can start switching my earrings.

On the bright side, I finally finished my papers. I have two papers that are due this Thursday and I'm so glad that I got it done!! All that is left to do is make my husband revise it for me.

Last night I had the strangest dream. My husband and I were at somebody's house and we were not married. This old guy comes and announced that we cannot get married since I have to marry another guy, while he has to marry another girl. I was sooooo sad. The next day, he even drove me to my new supposedly mother in law's work place. We both sat down on a bench but he was so far from me and we didn't speak to each other at all. And then he was gone. I went to go introduce myself to my mother in law and she was gonna take me home to meet her son. I was crying and in my dream I just felt so sad and torn apart because I loved him so much. When I woke up, I felt horrible. I felt the heart ache that was taken place in my dream... But on the bright side, we're married now and that can never happen. : )

Fat, fat, fat....

Lately I've been very emotional. I cry over every little thing and I don't know why. This weekend was horrible. On Friday, I cried because my husband kept lecturing me about loosing weight and everything because he doesn't want me to end up looking like those fat ugly girls who just don't give a crap about how they look anymore. I'm just like ok, whatever, and that was the first time I've ever cried when he called me fat. He always told me that I'm big and fat but this time, it just got to me...and I don't know why. He didn't realize that I was crying because we were in the car but when we got out, he just hug me and told me he was sorry.

I try so hard to lose the weight that I gained since I started college. I've been controlling everything I eat, and yet I don't see a change at all. What am I doing wrong here? Everybody pressures me, but I cant even help myself. I use to be decent size and everything and now I gained 20 pounds since beginning college and then I gained even more after I got married. I have to admit that when I get lecture either by my husband or my parents, I secretly think of making myself throw up but then I always remember that its going to mess me up and thats why I don't do it.....